I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We are two peas in an std pod
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
