she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
