I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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