just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
