I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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