Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
