dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize