smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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