plz talk dirty to me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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