So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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