Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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