i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
third nipple confirmed
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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