i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
