went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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