Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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