a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
