i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize