I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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