Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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