i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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