history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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