We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
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Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
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Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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