Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize