You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
