In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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