when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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