She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Even my vagina gasped.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
