life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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