Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
