The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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