apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
