i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
