We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
