Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
