If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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