Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
