I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
