Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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