i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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