Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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