wakey wakey hands off snakey
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
