So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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