Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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