went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
