You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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