I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
