I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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