It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
