Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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