Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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