I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need to align my fucking chakras
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
