Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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