I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
