i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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