at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
