sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
