Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
