can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
