This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
