I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
