i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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