Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have aggressive nipples.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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