I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
