I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
