I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
