I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
