Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need help removing her.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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