i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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