We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
